THE PERFECT HUSBAND

(All prices in US dollars)
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man turns on the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the New 2009 models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: '$90,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000'

MAN: 'Well, go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it.. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

WATCH & BE WISE

Once in a while we have ulama' who can think straight and make us think again.
We had a few in Malaysia, the latest was the former mufti of Perlis. Now we have one from the Arab world.
Watch, listen and think.

Click here to watch the video.

(Thanks to Toh Puan Rosita for forwarding me the link)

WHAT IS OLD

Probably you have received this but no harm in reading again.

What is Old?

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"


"OLD" IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.


"OLD" IS WHEN. A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.



"OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.



"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by... the doctor instead of by the police.


"OLD" IS WHEN.... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee

(Thanks to Dato' Abdullah for forwarding this)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

This is not snapped in a foreign land.
I spotted this at a major private hospital in town. Right here in Malaysia. You probably can figure out which hospital.
You tell me what is wrong and what are the imputations and implications.

PERSUASIONS

Somehow our campaigns do not seem to be too effective. Maybe we need more effective copy. "Pandu Cermat Jiwa Selamat" and "Ingatlah Orang Yang Tersayang" fell on deaf ears. This Raya, we have more deaths on the road than the previous years. Maybe those unfortunate Malaysians do not value their life and/or do not have loved ones that they need to live for.

As for dengue, the campaign is going on with as much success as the road safety campaign. Our posters are straight-forward:
Hapuskan Nyamok Aedes or something to that effect. I could not get a copy of a poster on the Net. I did get some that were used in Singapore.


This banner that I spotted along Marine Parade is gentler than those above but heartfelt nonetheless.
The copywriter crafted more words for the Dengue Campaign. Go to his blog to feast on the clever words.

Selamat Raya Posa & Raya Nang

We left beloved Ramadhan and we welcome Joyous Syawal. To the handful of followers of this blog, my sincerest Aidilfitri wishes. May the blessings of Allah come your way. Amin!

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LOOKING UP A LOST FRIEND

There is something about Ramadhan that makes people more compassionate and caring. So it was with the new committee members of RTM Veteran Association. When they heard of the plight of an old friend and colleague, they decided to collectively make a trip up north and visit him at Rumah Seri Kenangan, Taiping - a sanctuary run by the Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat. How and why their friend Ariff Shah landed in an old folk's home they do not know and they did not ask. Ariff himself did not volunteer any information.

The friends do know that Ariff is taken care of. Rumah Seri Kenangan seems to be well-run. There is a clinic inside and the staff are friendly and seems to be a caring lot.

Dato' Aziz and Ariff were in the same unit in RTM. They are good friends.

Ariff already lost most of his hair while still in service. His teeth are still good though.

A group photo with the Director of the home, Puan Ummi.

Ariff is a pale shadow of the debonair, dashing colleague that the friends knew. Although he did not lose much weight, he lost a bit of his memory. He stared into faces trying to rummage through his mind the names that go with the faces.

The friends handed over some raya gifts for Ariff as well as for the rest of the inmates.
As they were leaving and waving goodbye to Ariff, many had the same thought in their head:
"There for the Grace of God goes I".

ON GETTING OLDER

Pak Idrus did not realize it but he sent something that is totally appropriate today when I turned 65:

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't
laugh.....it is all true....

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!


01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.


02.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.


03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.


04. People call at 9 pm and ask,"did I wake you?"


05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.


07. Things you buy now won't wear out.


08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.


09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.


10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.


11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.


12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.


13. You sing along with elevator music.


14. Your eyes won't get much worse.


15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.


16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.


17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.


18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


19. You can't remember who sent you this list.


20.And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.


Thank you Pak Idrus. As a birthday treat, on the way to sending Mimi back to UITM we had berbuka puasa at Seoul Garden, One Utama. This is one rare establishment where senior citizens get a 25% discount.

I got my 25% discount but being a "Birthday Boy" I should have eaten free (together with 5 other people) Oh well, next year perhaps.

GOODBYE CAPTAIN

When I read about the demise of Capt Yusoff's mother, I thought I would cheer him up by compiling a CD of Oslan Hussien's old songs in minang. When finished compiling and burning the CD, I asked Pak Idrus for the Capt's phone number. Pak Idrus sent me the Captain's email instead.

This afternoon Pak Idrus phoned me and told me about the passing of a dear blogger friend. It was confirmed at http://rockybru.com.my/

I have nothing to say except to recite the Al Fatihah for him and to convey my deepest condolonces to his family.

VOICES OF HOPE

"Voices of Hope" is the charity arm of the TTDI-based Young Choral Academy. So far they have staged performances to collect donations for Nanyang Press Foundation (the underprivileged and single mothers), Cyclone Nargis Relief Fund and the latest, Pusat Jagaan Kanak-Kanak Kasih.

Many people missed the delightful performances yesterday (Sunday 28th June). Not many people know of the Choralton. There wasn't enough publicity. Those that came to the Multipurpose Hall of SEGI University College, Kota Damansara yesterday mostly heard about the event through word of mouth. They were entertained by more than 300 singers comprising of preschool kids up to adults. Even the audience sang during a special singalong segment.

The repertoire was eclectic. There were Malaysian patriotic songs totally different from what you hear on radio and TV, Japanese songs, Chinese songs and a tribute to P.Ramlee and Sudirman. There were choirs, duets and solos from 10 am to 5pm.

Part of the Young KL Singers delivering "Lagenda"

The biggest choir of the day from Malaysian Institute of Art with Ms Susana Saw conducting.

In spite of the lack of publicity, Choralton managed to collect RM12,000 for a good cause.

CLOSEUPS

When I suggested to Pak Idrus that he gets a Macro lens for his Nikon DSLR, I was already contemplating on getting one for my Olympus E500. Alas, Mimi's scholarship did not come so I had to adjust my budget accordingly.

Until I get my Macro lens, I had to prevent my Olympus from getting depressed due to inferiority complex. Luckily the Olympus E500 has a close up mode which is sort of a replacement for the Macro lens in a pinch. Here are the results of the shots I took today:

This is something a vampire-hunter should not be without - a clove of garlic.

This mandarin orange came during Chinese New Year. It really has a long life.

Rosebuds in the bouquet that Mimi got from an admirer. The dew is artificial, the flowers are real.

SUSU KENTAL

I have ranted about the shortage of sweetened condensed milk as early as August 2007. You might want to visit it here .

I still do not understand why Sweetened Condensed Milk is not available in Malaysia. After making do with black coffee for a while, I got my sweetened condensed milk from Singapore and Indonesia. Do tell your friends/relatives coming from those places that they will not be allowed to hand-carry the milk on the plane. Check them in together with the checked baggage.

For susu pekat manis addicts without relatives or pliable friends travelling overseas, there is good news. There is a shop in Jalan Chow Kit importing Susu Kental Manis Indomilk.

The regular white version is sold at RM 3.90 per tin while the chocolate version is cheaper. So diehard condensed milk lovers, make your way to MK Toys and Snacks shop and ask for Ms.Lee. If you cannot locate the shop, call her at 03-2693 6328 for directions.

Cheers!

THE PAINT JOB

To the residents of Vista Angkasa, the scruffiest condominium along the Federal Highway, the best thing to happen this year was the PM's visit to the place during his first week of becoming PM. I was not around during this visit but I was glad that the PM ordered the place to be repainted.

In the last week of May, they started the paint job. Instead of using the old-fashioned bamboo scaffoldings, the contractor uses electric gondolas.

One side of Block 7 is cleaned using water jet...

...before one coat of paint is applied.

The painters take long and frequent rests between jobs. At the moment, I have not seen them touching any of the blocks. The gondolas are on the ground. It has been days of no activity. I just hope that the buildings are repainted in time for Hari Raya. I guess if we can wait for 12 years for the paint job, we can wait for a few more weeks. Amin!!!

BROADBAND BLUES

When Mimi went off to UiTM on Saturday, she took along the Maxis Broadband modem that her Kak Long gave us. So I had to find a broadband service to continue surfing.

I wanted P1 Wimax but my area was not covered. I compared Digi and Celcom. Digi gave a bigger monthly download limit of 10 GB, double that of Celcom. Celcom do offer a Daily Unlimited Plan but the salesman could not explain how the plan works. So I went to a Digi outlet in MidValley. Unfortunately, they ran out of modems so I had to look for another outlet. The nearest is at Bangsar. A few nights ago, there was a temporary stand selling Digi Broadband outside the mamak restaurant. I asked the salesperson whether I can download torrents with Digi. The salesperson did'nt know what torrents are. In the permanent Digi shop, I made sure that there are modems available before giving my ic card to start the registration process. I was lucky that the salesperson is a thorough person. He checked the Digi coverage. He told me that there is coverage in my area but when he saw my address on my ic card, he told me that coverage is up to 4th floor only and I am on the 12th floor. Dang! I thought that the higher I am from the ground, the better the reception is. Is the Digi transponder or transmitter in my area right at sea-level?

I had no choice left but to go for Celcom Broadband. So immediately after saying goodbye to Mimi who is going to me proud at UiTM, I rushed to Digital Mall. The Blue Cube outlet ran out of modems too. Broadband is doing a roaring business huh? While walking to the car which was in front of the Maybank, I saw a Celcom stand. They have modems. So I got one.

I went home and excitedly plug in the modem to surf but I could not get any network. My account was not activated yet. When I phoned the salesperson who sold me the modem, he told me that I have to wait until Monday to have connection. I got my connection past 6 pm today. What took them so long? Celcom trumpeted that they are the fastest but their dealer's service is real slow. It was only after threats of sending back the modem that they rushed to activate my account.

THE ROAD TO 1MALAYSIA

The road to 1Malaysia would be shorter when
- People do not grumble that there are no cabinet ministers from their state. Aren't ministers supposed to serve all Malaysians? Is there a difference if they come from Perlis, Perak or Pahang?
-When Amanah Saham is offered to ALL Malaysians, some people demanded that a portion is allocated to their ethnic group. Just go and buy. What is the problem?
-All interviewees on TV speak Bahasa Malaysia on BM news bulletins. And proper BM too. Stop using "mereka-mereka". How long have you been a citizen of this country? In other countries like the US, you have to pass an exam to be a citizen and that includes understanding and speaking the official language.
-Everyone ACCEPTS the diversity of the population and not just tolerates. There is a limit to tolerance. There is no longer a limit when you accept. So, DBKL stop making a fuss about temples burning incense just as non-Muslims should stop complaining about the azan. Understand and accept.

There are of course more. I am sure you can add your own to the list. Go ahead.

THE DINNER AT SERI MELAYU

I was invited to dinner hosted by Dato' Seri Utama Dr. Rais Yatim not because I am a prominent and influential blogger. I was there, I think because I attended Language Institute together with Dr. Rais and he was my minister in 1980. His wife, Datin Masnah was once our artist at Radio Pendidikan in her bachelor days.

In spite of feeling under the weather I decided not to miss the event. I am glad I did not because I got to meet up with old bloggers like Pak Idrus and Capt Yusoff as well as the younger ones like Rocky, Noraina, Elvisa and Ruby. There were of course famous and inflential bloggers present such as Dato' Kadir Jasin, Nobisha, A Voice, Mahaguru and Syed of Outsyed The Box.

The food was good, the company, excellent. I got to pick the brain of Dato' Dr. Halim of MCMC who kindly volunteered to look into my phone line problem.

Pak Idrus giving Valentino and Dr. Halim his opinions.

My friend Capt.Yusoff with Syed.

Dato' Seri Utama Dr. Rais Yatim giving his speech.

I did not take that many pictures, being stoned by my medication most of the evening. I tool a lift home from Capt. Yusoff. I think the walk to to parking lot put a strain on my muscles that night and added more days to the recovery. But I think It was worth all the pain.

WATCH AND WONDER

I want to share a Power Point presentation with you.

My Favorite Philosophy

View more presentations from Pokku.

I have no idea who the author is. If this is your work, do come in and take a bow.
Thanks to Dato' Abdullah for sharing this with me.

FAITH

Faith is something that drives you to doggedly do something in spite of the odds. I guess the 13 Independent candidates in the Bukit Selambau By-Election have plenty of faith. After all, nobody goes into a fight intending to lose.

My post today will not be about politics or running dogs. It is about a real dog and about faith.

This is 'Faith'

This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002. He was born with 3 legs - 2 healthy hind legs and 1 abnormal front leg which need to be amputated. He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him.



His first owner also did not think that he can survive. Therefore, he was thinking of 'putting him to sleep'.
By this time, his present owner, Jude Stringfellow, met him and wanted to take care of him.
She is determined to teach and train this dog to walk by himself. Therefore she named him 'Faith'.


In the beginning, she put Faith on a surfing board to let him feel the movements. Later she used peanut butter on a spoon as a lure and reward for him to stand up and jump around. Even the other dog at home also helped to encourage him to walk. Amazingly, only after 6 months, like a miracle, Faith learned to balance on his 2 hind legs and jumped to move forward. After further training in the snow, he now can walk like a human being.

So folks, whenever you think that the world is coming to an end and things look lost, think of Faith.

Thanks to Dato' Abdullah for emailing me this story.

EARTH HOUR 2009

If you have been watching National Geographic Channel or other channels on Astro you might have seen various ads on the forthcoming Earth Day 2009 on March 28th. On this day, you are urged to join million others to switch off your light from 8.30pm to 9.30pm to reduce Global Warming.
Although I have read that some Malaysian corporations such as TNB and NST are supporting this effort, I am not sure if Kuala Lumpur is joining 680 other cities worldwide by switching off all the city lights on March 28. You need not wait for Kuala Lumpur to make her decision. You can switch off your own lights from 8.30 pm to 9.30 pm on that night.
What do you do for one hour in the dark?
I believe that electricity will still be available so TV can be on. Just do not tune in to NatGeo during that hour. They will be suspending transmission. How I wish all other channels follow suit. So what else can you do?
If you are somewhere close to a beach, go take a nice walk. If you are in the city, it is not advisable to take a walk in the dark. The city nowadays are dangerous even if it is not dark. So stay home. Tell a story or listen to a story or many stories. If you have someone to cuddle with, by all means cuddle up. That would make an hour go by pleasantly.
Now you tell me what else can you do for one hour in the dark while helping to save the earth.

MRS. MALAPROP

My youngest daughter Mimi was warned about the evils the city can bring. She was told to be "More absorbent". Of course Mimi knew that the speaker meant "observant".
This kind of brain fart is known as malapropism where a wrong word that sounds very much like the right word is used with comic effect. The root word is the French "malapropos" meaning "inappropriate" or "inappropriately". Richard Sheridan named one of his characters in his play "The Rivals" Mrs. Malaprop with lines like these:

"He is the very pineapple of politeness."
"as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile."

Long before "The Rivals", Shakespeare had a character called Constable Dogberry in "Much Ado About Nothing":

"...you shall comprehend all vagrom men..." (i.e., apprehend, vagrant; Act 3, Scene III)

"Comparisons are odorous." (i.e., odious; Act 3, Scene V)

"Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two auspicious persons." (i.e., apprehended, suspicious; Act 3, Scene V)

Thus another word for malapropism is dogberryism.

Malapropism is used to great effect in TV. Archie Bunker (remember him?) in "All In The Family" made many people laugh when he said:

"I've gotta consecrate myself on this newspaper."
"Patience is a virgin."
"A witness shall not bear falsies against thy neighbor."
"groin-acologist" for "gynecologist"

and more recently:

"Why not? Play captains against each other, create a little dysentery in the ranks."
(Christopher Moltisanti in The Sopranos)

"There's no stigmata connected with going to a shrink."
(Little Carmine in The Sopranos)

"The ironing is delicious." (i.e., irony) - Bart Simpson, after finding Lisa in detention

"Because I like you, I'll even do it pro boner." (i.e., pro bono) - Bart Simpson agreeing to help Seymour Skinner with his love life.

Of course there are unintentional malapropism in real life:

"Oftentimes, we live in a processed world, you know, people focus on the process and not results." (George W. Bush)

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." (Dan Quayle)

"I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage." (i.e., Carthage) — Mike Tyson

Closer to home, a popular singer when asked what was her best facial feature answered "My nipples". (She meant dimples)

My favourite is the answer a friend gave us when asked why he goes to the toilet so often:
"It's my photostat problem lah!"

Now share your favourite malapropism, dogberryism or acyrologia.