AUNTIE AINI'S GARDEN CAFE

(DIAL-UP USERS BE PATIENT. Wait for images to load!)

On Tuesday, one of my Veteran friends (and computer students) Hj. Amran Hamid took me to lunch. He brought along his fellow sports commentator, Haji Zulkarnain Hassan. Jun, Amran's wife made up the foursome. Another ex-colleague, Hj. Baharin Tahir who drove on his own all the way from Klang got lost in Dengkil and never made it to our lunch.

I did not know that it was going to be a long trip but it was worth the long journey.
We arrived at Auntie Aini's Garden Cafe just after 12 noon. I had no idea whatsoever that it was in another state altogether.

The place is in Nilai, Negeri Sembilan.

It has a distinctive gate which reminded me of another restaurant in Sungai Penchala.
The place was already crowded when we got there. Aini told me her clientele are mostly from KLIA and surrounding places. Most of the tables were already reserved.
If you fancy eating kampung-style (sitting on the floor), reserve one of the two small huts.
Aini personally took our order. She has been featured on Travel & Living twice. Once with Anthony Bourdain and the other with Jamie Aditya. Jamie, The Naked Chef would probably come later.
In deference to Haji Zulkarnain's tastebuds, we did not order Auntie Aini's celebrated Kepala Ikan Tempoyak. We had Asam Pedas instead. Jun did not get her fried quails (they just ran out) so we made do with fried chicken. Kerabu Pucuk Paku, Gulai Daging Salai and ikan masin were the rest of our fare.
The food was excellent, the ambience was nice and the service was above par. What more can you ask from a restaurant?
Here is how you can get to the restaurant. It is closed on Sundays but open on Public Holidays. The address is Batu 16 Jalan Sepang, Kampong Chelet, Nilai. It is advisable to make reservations. Call (06) 799 1276. For those who have not yet acquired the taste for Negeri Sembilan cuisine, worry not. Auntie Aini's can whip up mean western dishes too.

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

(All prices in US dollars)
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man turns on the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the New 2009 models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: '$90,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000'

MAN: 'Well, go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it.. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

WATCH & BE WISE

Once in a while we have ulama' who can think straight and make us think again.
We had a few in Malaysia, the latest was the former mufti of Perlis. Now we have one from the Arab world.
Watch, listen and think.

Click here to watch the video.

(Thanks to Toh Puan Rosita for forwarding me the link)

WHAT IS OLD

Probably you have received this but no harm in reading again.

What is Old?

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"


"OLD" IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.


"OLD" IS WHEN. A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.



"OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.



"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by... the doctor instead of by the police.


"OLD" IS WHEN.... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee

(Thanks to Dato' Abdullah for forwarding this)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

This is not snapped in a foreign land.
I spotted this at a major private hospital in town. Right here in Malaysia. You probably can figure out which hospital.
You tell me what is wrong and what are the imputations and implications.

PERSUASIONS

Somehow our campaigns do not seem to be too effective. Maybe we need more effective copy. "Pandu Cermat Jiwa Selamat" and "Ingatlah Orang Yang Tersayang" fell on deaf ears. This Raya, we have more deaths on the road than the previous years. Maybe those unfortunate Malaysians do not value their life and/or do not have loved ones that they need to live for.

As for dengue, the campaign is going on with as much success as the road safety campaign. Our posters are straight-forward:
Hapuskan Nyamok Aedes or something to that effect. I could not get a copy of a poster on the Net. I did get some that were used in Singapore.


This banner that I spotted along Marine Parade is gentler than those above but heartfelt nonetheless.
The copywriter crafted more words for the Dengue Campaign. Go to his blog to feast on the clever words.

Selamat Raya Posa & Raya Nang

We left beloved Ramadhan and we welcome Joyous Syawal. To the handful of followers of this blog, my sincerest Aidilfitri wishes. May the blessings of Allah come your way. Amin!

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LOOKING UP A LOST FRIEND

There is something about Ramadhan that makes people more compassionate and caring. So it was with the new committee members of RTM Veteran Association. When they heard of the plight of an old friend and colleague, they decided to collectively make a trip up north and visit him at Rumah Seri Kenangan, Taiping - a sanctuary run by the Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat. How and why their friend Ariff Shah landed in an old folk's home they do not know and they did not ask. Ariff himself did not volunteer any information.

The friends do know that Ariff is taken care of. Rumah Seri Kenangan seems to be well-run. There is a clinic inside and the staff are friendly and seems to be a caring lot.

Dato' Aziz and Ariff were in the same unit in RTM. They are good friends.

Ariff already lost most of his hair while still in service. His teeth are still good though.

A group photo with the Director of the home, Puan Ummi.

Ariff is a pale shadow of the debonair, dashing colleague that the friends knew. Although he did not lose much weight, he lost a bit of his memory. He stared into faces trying to rummage through his mind the names that go with the faces.

The friends handed over some raya gifts for Ariff as well as for the rest of the inmates.
As they were leaving and waving goodbye to Ariff, many had the same thought in their head:
"There for the Grace of God goes I".

ON GETTING OLDER

Pak Idrus did not realize it but he sent something that is totally appropriate today when I turned 65:

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't
laugh.....it is all true....

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!


01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.


02.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.


03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.


04. People call at 9 pm and ask,"did I wake you?"


05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.


07. Things you buy now won't wear out.


08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.


09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.


10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.


11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.


12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.


13. You sing along with elevator music.


14. Your eyes won't get much worse.


15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.


16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.


17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.


18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


19. You can't remember who sent you this list.


20.And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.


Thank you Pak Idrus. As a birthday treat, on the way to sending Mimi back to UITM we had berbuka puasa at Seoul Garden, One Utama. This is one rare establishment where senior citizens get a 25% discount.

I got my 25% discount but being a "Birthday Boy" I should have eaten free (together with 5 other people) Oh well, next year perhaps.

GOODBYE CAPTAIN

When I read about the demise of Capt Yusoff's mother, I thought I would cheer him up by compiling a CD of Oslan Hussien's old songs in minang. When finished compiling and burning the CD, I asked Pak Idrus for the Capt's phone number. Pak Idrus sent me the Captain's email instead.

This afternoon Pak Idrus phoned me and told me about the passing of a dear blogger friend. It was confirmed at http://rockybru.com.my/

I have nothing to say except to recite the Al Fatihah for him and to convey my deepest condolonces to his family.

VOICES OF HOPE

"Voices of Hope" is the charity arm of the TTDI-based Young Choral Academy. So far they have staged performances to collect donations for Nanyang Press Foundation (the underprivileged and single mothers), Cyclone Nargis Relief Fund and the latest, Pusat Jagaan Kanak-Kanak Kasih.

Many people missed the delightful performances yesterday (Sunday 28th June). Not many people know of the Choralton. There wasn't enough publicity. Those that came to the Multipurpose Hall of SEGI University College, Kota Damansara yesterday mostly heard about the event through word of mouth. They were entertained by more than 300 singers comprising of preschool kids up to adults. Even the audience sang during a special singalong segment.

The repertoire was eclectic. There were Malaysian patriotic songs totally different from what you hear on radio and TV, Japanese songs, Chinese songs and a tribute to P.Ramlee and Sudirman. There were choirs, duets and solos from 10 am to 5pm.

Part of the Young KL Singers delivering "Lagenda"

The biggest choir of the day from Malaysian Institute of Art with Ms Susana Saw conducting.

In spite of the lack of publicity, Choralton managed to collect RM12,000 for a good cause.

CLOSEUPS

When I suggested to Pak Idrus that he gets a Macro lens for his Nikon DSLR, I was already contemplating on getting one for my Olympus E500. Alas, Mimi's scholarship did not come so I had to adjust my budget accordingly.

Until I get my Macro lens, I had to prevent my Olympus from getting depressed due to inferiority complex. Luckily the Olympus E500 has a close up mode which is sort of a replacement for the Macro lens in a pinch. Here are the results of the shots I took today:

This is something a vampire-hunter should not be without - a clove of garlic.

This mandarin orange came during Chinese New Year. It really has a long life.

Rosebuds in the bouquet that Mimi got from an admirer. The dew is artificial, the flowers are real.

SUSU KENTAL

I have ranted about the shortage of sweetened condensed milk as early as August 2007. You might want to visit it here .

I still do not understand why Sweetened Condensed Milk is not available in Malaysia. After making do with black coffee for a while, I got my sweetened condensed milk from Singapore and Indonesia. Do tell your friends/relatives coming from those places that they will not be allowed to hand-carry the milk on the plane. Check them in together with the checked baggage.

For susu pekat manis addicts without relatives or pliable friends travelling overseas, there is good news. There is a shop in Jalan Chow Kit importing Susu Kental Manis Indomilk.

The regular white version is sold at RM 3.90 per tin while the chocolate version is cheaper. So diehard condensed milk lovers, make your way to MK Toys and Snacks shop and ask for Ms.Lee. If you cannot locate the shop, call her at 03-2693 6328 for directions.

Cheers!

THE PAINT JOB

To the residents of Vista Angkasa, the scruffiest condominium along the Federal Highway, the best thing to happen this year was the PM's visit to the place during his first week of becoming PM. I was not around during this visit but I was glad that the PM ordered the place to be repainted.

In the last week of May, they started the paint job. Instead of using the old-fashioned bamboo scaffoldings, the contractor uses electric gondolas.

One side of Block 7 is cleaned using water jet...

...before one coat of paint is applied.

The painters take long and frequent rests between jobs. At the moment, I have not seen them touching any of the blocks. The gondolas are on the ground. It has been days of no activity. I just hope that the buildings are repainted in time for Hari Raya. I guess if we can wait for 12 years for the paint job, we can wait for a few more weeks. Amin!!!

BROADBAND BLUES

When Mimi went off to UiTM on Saturday, she took along the Maxis Broadband modem that her Kak Long gave us. So I had to find a broadband service to continue surfing.

I wanted P1 Wimax but my area was not covered. I compared Digi and Celcom. Digi gave a bigger monthly download limit of 10 GB, double that of Celcom. Celcom do offer a Daily Unlimited Plan but the salesman could not explain how the plan works. So I went to a Digi outlet in MidValley. Unfortunately, they ran out of modems so I had to look for another outlet. The nearest is at Bangsar. A few nights ago, there was a temporary stand selling Digi Broadband outside the mamak restaurant. I asked the salesperson whether I can download torrents with Digi. The salesperson did'nt know what torrents are. In the permanent Digi shop, I made sure that there are modems available before giving my ic card to start the registration process. I was lucky that the salesperson is a thorough person. He checked the Digi coverage. He told me that there is coverage in my area but when he saw my address on my ic card, he told me that coverage is up to 4th floor only and I am on the 12th floor. Dang! I thought that the higher I am from the ground, the better the reception is. Is the Digi transponder or transmitter in my area right at sea-level?

I had no choice left but to go for Celcom Broadband. So immediately after saying goodbye to Mimi who is going to me proud at UiTM, I rushed to Digital Mall. The Blue Cube outlet ran out of modems too. Broadband is doing a roaring business huh? While walking to the car which was in front of the Maybank, I saw a Celcom stand. They have modems. So I got one.

I went home and excitedly plug in the modem to surf but I could not get any network. My account was not activated yet. When I phoned the salesperson who sold me the modem, he told me that I have to wait until Monday to have connection. I got my connection past 6 pm today. What took them so long? Celcom trumpeted that they are the fastest but their dealer's service is real slow. It was only after threats of sending back the modem that they rushed to activate my account.

THE ROAD TO 1MALAYSIA

The road to 1Malaysia would be shorter when
- People do not grumble that there are no cabinet ministers from their state. Aren't ministers supposed to serve all Malaysians? Is there a difference if they come from Perlis, Perak or Pahang?
-When Amanah Saham is offered to ALL Malaysians, some people demanded that a portion is allocated to their ethnic group. Just go and buy. What is the problem?
-All interviewees on TV speak Bahasa Malaysia on BM news bulletins. And proper BM too. Stop using "mereka-mereka". How long have you been a citizen of this country? In other countries like the US, you have to pass an exam to be a citizen and that includes understanding and speaking the official language.
-Everyone ACCEPTS the diversity of the population and not just tolerates. There is a limit to tolerance. There is no longer a limit when you accept. So, DBKL stop making a fuss about temples burning incense just as non-Muslims should stop complaining about the azan. Understand and accept.

There are of course more. I am sure you can add your own to the list. Go ahead.

THE DINNER AT SERI MELAYU

I was invited to dinner hosted by Dato' Seri Utama Dr. Rais Yatim not because I am a prominent and influential blogger. I was there, I think because I attended Language Institute together with Dr. Rais and he was my minister in 1980. His wife, Datin Masnah was once our artist at Radio Pendidikan in her bachelor days.

In spite of feeling under the weather I decided not to miss the event. I am glad I did not because I got to meet up with old bloggers like Pak Idrus and Capt Yusoff as well as the younger ones like Rocky, Noraina, Elvisa and Ruby. There were of course famous and inflential bloggers present such as Dato' Kadir Jasin, Nobisha, A Voice, Mahaguru and Syed of Outsyed The Box.

The food was good, the company, excellent. I got to pick the brain of Dato' Dr. Halim of MCMC who kindly volunteered to look into my phone line problem.

Pak Idrus giving Valentino and Dr. Halim his opinions.

My friend Capt.Yusoff with Syed.

Dato' Seri Utama Dr. Rais Yatim giving his speech.

I did not take that many pictures, being stoned by my medication most of the evening. I tool a lift home from Capt. Yusoff. I think the walk to to parking lot put a strain on my muscles that night and added more days to the recovery. But I think It was worth all the pain.

WATCH AND WONDER

I want to share a Power Point presentation with you.

My Favorite Philosophy

View more presentations from Pokku.

I have no idea who the author is. If this is your work, do come in and take a bow.
Thanks to Dato' Abdullah for sharing this with me.

FAITH

Faith is something that drives you to doggedly do something in spite of the odds. I guess the 13 Independent candidates in the Bukit Selambau By-Election have plenty of faith. After all, nobody goes into a fight intending to lose.

My post today will not be about politics or running dogs. It is about a real dog and about faith.

This is 'Faith'

This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002. He was born with 3 legs - 2 healthy hind legs and 1 abnormal front leg which need to be amputated. He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him.



His first owner also did not think that he can survive. Therefore, he was thinking of 'putting him to sleep'.
By this time, his present owner, Jude Stringfellow, met him and wanted to take care of him.
She is determined to teach and train this dog to walk by himself. Therefore she named him 'Faith'.


In the beginning, she put Faith on a surfing board to let him feel the movements. Later she used peanut butter on a spoon as a lure and reward for him to stand up and jump around. Even the other dog at home also helped to encourage him to walk. Amazingly, only after 6 months, like a miracle, Faith learned to balance on his 2 hind legs and jumped to move forward. After further training in the snow, he now can walk like a human being.

So folks, whenever you think that the world is coming to an end and things look lost, think of Faith.

Thanks to Dato' Abdullah for emailing me this story.

EARTH HOUR 2009

If you have been watching National Geographic Channel or other channels on Astro you might have seen various ads on the forthcoming Earth Day 2009 on March 28th. On this day, you are urged to join million others to switch off your light from 8.30pm to 9.30pm to reduce Global Warming.
Although I have read that some Malaysian corporations such as TNB and NST are supporting this effort, I am not sure if Kuala Lumpur is joining 680 other cities worldwide by switching off all the city lights on March 28. You need not wait for Kuala Lumpur to make her decision. You can switch off your own lights from 8.30 pm to 9.30 pm on that night.
What do you do for one hour in the dark?
I believe that electricity will still be available so TV can be on. Just do not tune in to NatGeo during that hour. They will be suspending transmission. How I wish all other channels follow suit. So what else can you do?
If you are somewhere close to a beach, go take a nice walk. If you are in the city, it is not advisable to take a walk in the dark. The city nowadays are dangerous even if it is not dark. So stay home. Tell a story or listen to a story or many stories. If you have someone to cuddle with, by all means cuddle up. That would make an hour go by pleasantly.
Now you tell me what else can you do for one hour in the dark while helping to save the earth.

MRS. MALAPROP

My youngest daughter Mimi was warned about the evils the city can bring. She was told to be "More absorbent". Of course Mimi knew that the speaker meant "observant".
This kind of brain fart is known as malapropism where a wrong word that sounds very much like the right word is used with comic effect. The root word is the French "malapropos" meaning "inappropriate" or "inappropriately". Richard Sheridan named one of his characters in his play "The Rivals" Mrs. Malaprop with lines like these:

"He is the very pineapple of politeness."
"as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile."

Long before "The Rivals", Shakespeare had a character called Constable Dogberry in "Much Ado About Nothing":

"...you shall comprehend all vagrom men..." (i.e., apprehend, vagrant; Act 3, Scene III)

"Comparisons are odorous." (i.e., odious; Act 3, Scene V)

"Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two auspicious persons." (i.e., apprehended, suspicious; Act 3, Scene V)

Thus another word for malapropism is dogberryism.

Malapropism is used to great effect in TV. Archie Bunker (remember him?) in "All In The Family" made many people laugh when he said:

"I've gotta consecrate myself on this newspaper."
"Patience is a virgin."
"A witness shall not bear falsies against thy neighbor."
"groin-acologist" for "gynecologist"

and more recently:

"Why not? Play captains against each other, create a little dysentery in the ranks."
(Christopher Moltisanti in The Sopranos)

"There's no stigmata connected with going to a shrink."
(Little Carmine in The Sopranos)

"The ironing is delicious." (i.e., irony) - Bart Simpson, after finding Lisa in detention

"Because I like you, I'll even do it pro boner." (i.e., pro bono) - Bart Simpson agreeing to help Seymour Skinner with his love life.

Of course there are unintentional malapropism in real life:

"Oftentimes, we live in a processed world, you know, people focus on the process and not results." (George W. Bush)

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." (Dan Quayle)

"I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage." (i.e., Carthage) — Mike Tyson

Closer to home, a popular singer when asked what was her best facial feature answered "My nipples". (She meant dimples)

My favourite is the answer a friend gave us when asked why he goes to the toilet so often:
"It's my photostat problem lah!"

Now share your favourite malapropism, dogberryism or acyrologia.

DOING THE RIGHT THING & DOING THINGS RIGHT

I am not sure whether the owner of this signboard did the right thing or whether he did things right. Robinson would be amused.

I am sure that many of you are not too amused by what is happening in the country lately. Let us take an example.When the "insulated box" was decreed, fishermen all over the country were far from amused. Consequently, when the price of fish went up, consumers were not amused until the Minister rescind the ruling, which is the right thing to do. Whose idea was it to specify the fish container in the first place? Is it terribly wrong for fishermen to transport their catch in barrels, plastic bags or wooden crates? They know best what is best for their livelihood. Maybe the authority concerned thought that it is the right thing to introduce new methods. Maybe the intention is good. They forgot that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and the fishermen gave them hell indeed. Lessons learnt I hope. Do things right. Think thoroughly. Research and research again. When you think you did the right thing, stick to it. Do not flip-flop.

How do you know that you are doing the right thing? First, you have to believe that what you are doing is right. Then you convince others with facts and figures that you are on the right track. Sane and reasonable people will agree with you and you will have less problems afterward.

You can think of many other instances where people in the administration are not doing the right thing or not doing things right. Once upon a time, the government thought that people involved in village handicraft should also be taught a bit of bookkeeping to keep track of profits and losses etc. In one village in Sarawak, one old Dayak lady was reluctantly inducted into one of the courses. At the end of the course, the course leader asked her whether she understood what "debit" is. This was her reply:
"I know Debit. He is my second grandson. His brother is Michael."

BOOBS WITH YOUR BREW?

Mr. Crabtree found a way to cope with tough times by opening a topless coffee shop, Read more here.
Apparently, the venture is successful. Mr.Crabtree did not wait for any economic stimulus but stimulated his customers instead. Would our kopitiams follow suit? I doubt it. I would not want to drink my Hai Peng coffee and bite into my roti kawin after catching sight of the waiter's armpit hair and there are laws on public nudity in our country.

So let us leave the topless stuff to clandestine bars and karaokes and let us see how the stimulus packages can help our kopitiams, other businesses and their customers (which include us).

FREE READS

Go to any big bookstores and you will find people in the reading rooms or on the floor reading books that are not wrapped in cellophane. You can do the same in libraries.
If you are not a speed-reader but want a free read, why not try ebooks? There are free ebooks that you can read on your pc, laptop, pda or on some mobile phones.

Ebooks or electronic books come in various formats. Those that can be read online are mostly in html formats. Some are pdf (Portable Document Format) files that can be read on your browsers if you have Acrobat Reader© installed. You can also save pdf files. There are also ebooks that come in .exe files. They are self-contained and ready to read although I would advise caution when opening any .exe files. Check for virus, worms and spyware. Anyway, the pages that offer free ebooks will tell you if you need a software to read the books. The software needed is usually offered free. Of course, if you are well-heeled you can also opt for the many dedicated ebook reader machines that you can take everywhere. For people already with iPods, pda or sophisticated phones, I do not think you should spend more money buying the ebook hardware, buy the not-free ebooks instead.

What can you expect from free books? Plenty. If you browse the links I am giving you at the end of this post, you can see that many subjects are covered. Go browse while I try to get used to Sir Richard Burton's translation of "1001 Nights".

Hey, I do not have to lick my fingers to turn the pages on my ancient Zire 71.

http://www.free-ebooks.net/
http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page
http://www.e-book.com.au/freebooks.htm
http://www.freeebooks.info/
http://www.ebookdirectory.com/
http://www.getfreeebooks.com/
http://www.ereader.com/

MORE MONEY

Hackneyed or cliched they may be, these words have truth in them and should be remembered by us all. Those that worship money should commit these words (in addition to their bank account numbers) to memory.
Please wait for the slides to load. Click for the next slide.

Uploaded on authorSTREAM by Pokku

MONEY,MONEY,MONEY

Unlike some people that can get lots of cash just by switching camps, mere mortals like us have to get money the hard way.

For Senior Citizens, Bank Negara Malaysia (Malaysia's Central Bank) will be issuing The 2009 MERDEKA BONDS very very soon. If you missed the announcement, go here to read (and print) the Press Release.

So, on the 18th of February, go to your bank and apply. Please do not sneeze at the 5% annual dividend offered or the monthly amount that will be credited to your account. Even if you stepped on that amount of money on your morning walk, you would pick it up wouldn't you?

Dig up the stash from under your mattress or mistress (whichever is applicable) and go buy the bonds.

TEA ON THAIPUSAM

While devotees thronged Batu Caves on Sunday, I made my way to Ampang Jaya to meet Zaharan Razak, a blogger and a fellow Terengganunian. Zaharan rode his new kapchai ( that's a small Honda bike, Louis) all the way from Kuala Ibai to KL and Pak Idrus invited him to tea. Pak Idrus invited a few other bloggers as well but they could not make it.

They missed the scones. Yes, genuine English scones with butter and jam, No crumpets or strumpets but Pak Idrus also laid out wajik, fried noodles, fruits and my all-time favourite, caramel custard.

The spread

Caramel Custard for dentally challenged dudes

Pak Idrus is bent on collecting as many gadgets as he can. So far he has 2 laptops, 1 Netbook. pdaphones and a new Nikon DSLR. After Zaharan did justice to the scones, Pak Idrus fired up his brand-new Toshiba laptop and buzzed a blogger friend in Seattle via Skype. Even though it was the wee hours of the morning in Seattle, Louis sounded cheerful on the mike and he looked cheerful and friendly on the screen. All three of us chatted with Louis. I am surprised that he reads my blog (Di Bawah Rang Ikang Kering). I would be even more surprised if Louis understand most of the patois.

Louis on line

Pak Idrus would not let me go home but wanted me to have dinner with him first. He took Zaharan and I to Cozy House at Great Eastern Mall. The place was packed but we were lucky to get a table where Pak Idrus resumed his discourse on various topics.

Pak Idrus wanted to think. Zaharan wanted his dinner.

Tea in a bottle

Among the topic of the conversation during dinner was the breakdown of taboos for the sake of marketing. You know what I mean - kway teow served in wok and drinks served in jars.

I got back in time to watch the second half of the Arsenal-Spurs match. In spite of the score line, it was a nice evening.

WE HAVE THE NUMBERS

I hope I am not attracting 4-Digit punters to this blog. You know who they are. They are the ones slowing down traffic on our highways and byways not to help unfortunate motorists but to jot down the vehicle's numbers.

The numbers I am giving you today are statistics that you might not be aware of and once known hopefully will make you think deep and and long thoughts.

Go here.

Thanks to Dato' Abdullah Mohamad for the link.

AN "A" FOR DEFECTION

As a naive non-partisan senile old man, I am a little bit amused at the media's (old and new, mainstream, upstream and downstream) preoccupation with members of political parties changing horses abruptly.

Defectors are labelled weak, traitors, Judas, ingrates, katak and other uncomplimentary names by the abandoned party while being hailed as a hero, principled, patriot or whatever else by their new bedfellows. Now, for would be defectors, let an old man give you unsolicited advice. Do not ask me if I have ever defected. I do not have a political party. I haven't died either so would that disqualify me from advising you about dying? If dying is too morbid for you, let us go to the opposite side. Birth. One of my daughter's gynae never got pregnant but he gets money giving advice to pregnant people. Ok, now that you get my drift let us get on with this defection thing.

For would be defectors, the English nursery rhyme
Sticks and Stones
Will Break My Bones
But Names Will Never Hurt Me.

is good to repeat to yourself unless they really start to throw sticks, stones, terompah and other missiles. When that happens, you either recall your silat/kungfu/kalari payat lessons on evasive moves or locate the fattest cat in your new-found group to hide behind.

There is a better way though. I shall call this the toma'ninoh way. I shall not explain what toma'ninoh is simply because I am on a borrowed wireless broadband which has the habit of disconnecting me at irritating intervals. The less I stay online, the safer. If you are not familiar with the word, go get a Muslim worth his pioh lembik to elaborate. The toma'ninoh way is to do it in stages. If you change your mind in politics or have your mind changed for you because of your principles (assuming you have some to begin with) do not switch parties immediately. No toma'ninoh there. If you cannot reconcile your principles to what your party is doing or subscribing to, you speak your mind. No go? Resign. You cannot beat them, leave them. Join another party to continue your struggle after taking the time to identify which party suits your objectives best. People have short memory. Give them time to forget. Of course you cannot apply this if the repossessors are at your electric gate waiting to take your SUV away. If you change parties for monetary gains, you deserve all the contempts you can get, including mine.

For political parties suffering defections present and future, here is my 2 sen. Get an "A" and put it in defection. You get defecation. No defecation and you are not regular. Waste must be discharged at regular intervals otherwise you get constipated and lose elections. So let the other side have the shit. Do not blame me for bringing the toilet into this but I read a politician writing in his blog that leaders are elected in the loo. Isn't "purge" a political term too? Chew on that.

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MASYAALLAH! A CLASSIC COMMENT

Recently I was pointed to an extremely well written blog Demi Negara written by Kijang Mas. Go read it if you haven't done so already. As usual, excellent blogs will have their share of excellent commentators and Demi Negara gave us many commentators who argued well. Among them is Apocryphalist (look up the meaning and smile) who responded to a "Richard Cranium" who supported the idea of using the word "Allah" in the Bible. Read part of the retort (unedited):

Well anyway Dick, you wanna put “Allah” in your bible huh? Sure why not. Can you write a petition too that each and every Bible in the world, right from the Coptic gospels in North Africa, to each RSV copy in the European countries, the testaments used by the Eastern Orthodox churches, the numerous King James issues everywhere else, and all the different kinds of gospels that the Vatican keep, both the ones made public plus the ones that are not, be made to have “Allah” in them too? I am sure the Pope would be happy to hear from you.

What’s that? Oh you want to put Allah ONLY in the areas where there are only malay populations! Ah I see. In other words you want to mislead and convert. Well that’s a tad difficult, Dicky boy. You see, if you really believe that Allah is the name of God in the bible then I am sure that the Pope and the numerous DD’s in America and Europe would have put it there too. But you see, they don’t! They just wanna put it there in the case of the Malaysian and Indonesian audience for one and ONLY one purpose: to hopefully mislead the malays into thinking that they are all the saaaaame, anyway. That’s easier for the purpose of conversion, you see. Let’s not beat around the bush.

But that’s where the problem is, Rick old man. The entity called “Allah” as mentioned in the Qur’an is NOT the same as the entity “God” in your bible. What do you mean of course they are. Of course they are not! Why? Simply because … the word “God” does not mean “Allah”.

God is a description. A depiction of a mighty being. Allah is a NAME of a mighty being. The difference? Simple. I tabulate here that simplicity:-

Base :: In Bible/other Literature :: In Quran

Base Noun :: God :: Allah
Plurality :: Gods :: None
Gender :: Goddess:: None
GenderPlurality ::Goddesses:: None
Sub-entities:: Godlings::None
Others :: Godlingettes :: None

You see Dicky Ricky, we can also associate or attach verbs and adjectives to the word God but not to the word Allah. The verbs [Godly, Godliness, Godliest, Goddamn, Godforsaken] can therefore be translated to [Ter-Allah, Ke-Allah-an,Ter-Allah sekali, diCelakakan-Allah, diTinggalkan Allah]. Now if that doesn't sound ridiculous, I am the father of Prince William.

Oh and Ritchie, we must not also forget the world of Arts, Literature and Entertainment, where the usage of the word God, if catapulted to Allah, will … err… sound a bit less hollywoodish:-


Children of a Lesser God (Film): Anak-anak dari Allah yang sedikit kureng

The God of Small Things (Arundhati Roy novel): Allah bagi bende-bende yang kecil

Of Gods and Men (Star Trek drama) : Perihal Allah-Allah dan Manusia

Chariots of the Gods (von Daniken book): Kereta-kereta kuda Allah-Allah

God of the Machine (Isabel Patterson novel): Allah bagi Jentera

Hammer of the Gods (Led Zeppelin wanna-be band): Tukul Besi Allah-Allah

(Ishh. I takut thunderbolt strikes my head jer bila do these blasphemous translations!)

You see, Dicksie my man, I suggest that reaaaaaally the bible should adopt the name Allah in totality. And by that I mean the world over, not just for the Malaysian audience. Because the word God is not suitable at all. It can be freely used to describe objects other than divinity, and sometimes something just opposite to it:-

Gods - Upper Seatings in a theatre

Godland - Title of Comic Series

So Ricardo dear, if there are sooooooooooooo many things that you can manipulate with the word God as used in the Bible that you can’t possibly do with the name Allah, to what purpose is it that you still want to translate that name for? Of course, if your bible writers now sincerely repent their ways and start to use Allah in ALL the copies of the bible in this world, we muslims are more than just happy to help.

“Ah But these are just semantics. Word gymnastics. We are talking more about the entity that both Muslims and Christians agree as the creator of the heavens and the Earth. Surely you can’t be saying that these are two different entities? And if they aren’t, why can’t we use the same for both Bible and Qur’an?” Do I hear you say that Ritchie Rich?

Well first and foremost, are we REALLY talking about the same God now? The same Allah? Let’s see if they really are the same:-

God in the Bible: Has a begotten Son
Allah in the Quran: Doesn’t have this feature
God in the Bible: One of a Trio of Godhood
Allah in the Quran: Doesn’t have this feature
God in the Bible: Vengeful
Allah in the Quran: Doesn’t have this feature
God in the Bible: Jealous
Allah in the Quran: Nope
God in the Bible: Prejudicial to women
Allah in the Quran: Nada
God in the Bible: Racist to blacks
Allah in the Quran: Uh-uh

Oh and you must not forget the other human qualities that this Deity has, as promulgated in the bible. That wrestling match God had will inspire more than just WWW’s The Rock. Don’t laugh, folks. The OT did mention that He came down, wrestled with Jacob and lost too. What, He couldn’t un-grip Jacob’s tiger-lock? And at the incident of that Canaa wedding, this God has a Son who tempelak his mum, the Mother of God, by saying “Woman! What have I to do with thee?”. Ish. Kalau my kid tempelak me like that I sure would have him tempeleng-ed. Ah, some divine family indeed.

In fact it is for THIS despicable nonconformity alone must the muslims, the malays in this country defend the sanctity and the purity of the name Allah that, if fell unto these biblical thumpers, can be sooooo much downgraded, so much disrespect, so much blasphemous and sooo much … ungodly that anyone reading it would lose total respect, admiration, adoration to this so sacred a divine concept! I am just afraid that no sooner than this downgrading of the divinity of Allah is done by mere translation by these bible preachers than Kiai Arshad Sarip of Ulu Bendul come out of retirement or Pak Aji Bahari from Bongek, Rembau takes his time out from herding his water buffaloes to chase these blasphemers away.

Now to be fair to our friend Ritchie Kitchie here, let’s tolak ansur okay. He wants to put the name Allah in the bible. Tell you what. I will help pulas the arms of our pak-pak lebai in JAKIM and let you do just that, Richard, provided the following declaration is written in front of each and every copy of the bible:-

“Be it known here that the Allah mentioned in this here Bible is the same Allah as the one found in the Quran, and not a different Allah. And because of this, it goes without saying that whatever that Allah says in the Quran is True, especially in regards to Christianity, Jesus Christ and Mary without any false interpretations. It also follows that the Quranic verses (5.116), (61.6), (4.157), (4.171-173), (19.88-19.93) are true without the slightest doubt”

I have a twice-removed cousin who has a printing company doing Raya cards and Lumba kuda calenders, be happy to reprint all your bibles and include those statements for peanuts, if all goes well.

Apocryphalist.
November 12, 2008 8:21 AM

I do not know whether Apocryphalist is a man or a woman although gender would not make the retort less pertinent. What I can gather is that he/she is knowledgeable not only on religions but also on Penang food. I would like to shake the hand that penned those arguments. I would also like to salam with Kijang Mas for such an excellent blog and for allowing me to reproduce the comment above. I must also thank Pak Idrus, Pak Zawi and Mat Cendana for helping me get the permission. Terima kasih daun keladi!

UPDATE 31/01/09:
Apocryphalist expanded one of his points as a Guest Blogger on JEBAT MUST DIE. Go here to read.

ALL JAZZED UP

Can you imagine "Enjit Enjit Semut" or "Kopi Susu" as jazz? Imagine no more. Soon you can watch RTM Jazz Orchestra deliver these songs as well as other familiar numbers on RTM. Not sure which channel though. Most probably TV2. I hope advance publicity is given otherwise jazz fans will miss it, obliviously.

It will surely be a treat. I was lucky enough to get an invitation to the recording last Saturday. It was a very enjoyable evening. I heard Razak Rahman again on the clarinet playing "Chendering". It instantly brought me back to the beach. Razak was not the only soloist to enrapture us that evening. There was Yap Yen who is a violinist with the bigger Orkes RTM. She delighted everyone when she jazzed up P.Ramlee's "Sang Rembulan" on the electric violin. Vanessa Mae better watch out! Another soloist that stole our heart was Keiko, a superb flautist on "Nona Maria". Then there was Jaafar, commercially known as JARI who rocked the auditorium with "Samba Ria". Jaafar's mastery of the soprano saxophone would make fans of Kenny G change allegiance.

If you think playing the electric guitar is easy , try playing TWO electric guitars at the same time. That was what Sam Triggy did. This young man enthralled us with his rendition of "Getaran Jiwa", in jazz style of course.

The future of music in Malaysia looked assured. I was reassured of that after watching and listening to the performance of the big band of ASWARA Faculty of Music. They even threw in the gamelan for a couple of numbers.

I shall not spoil the fun by telling you everything. Wait and watch the show.
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